I just want to take a moment today to talk about the reckless love of our Lord, Jesus Christ. When I write this blog, it is so easy to get caught up with the fine points of writing, and totally make it mine; but when I let the Spirit flow; when I specifically dedicate this writing to Him, that is when the real miracle happens. After all, this blog was made for one reason, and one reason alone: it was my 10-year-anniversary gift to God, for letting me into His Life.
I remember after I first became a Christian, several weeks passed before I did my first confession to God (other than the more general sense that I had failed Him and needed forgiveness). I kept putting it off, thinking it would be too embarrassing, unsure of how to talk about my bad stuff with someone who saw so much good in me. Finally I realized it was a gift: the greatest way to build trust in God is to give Him your sins and watch for yourself as He forgives them. Confession, then, was not a chance to be humiliated, but a chance to be affirmed as loved. So one afternoon, a few weeks into my life with Him, I laid my head on Jesus’ shoulder and quietly told Him all my failures against Him. He never condemned me or tried to speed me along, just stayed beside me, arm around me, maintaining the air of quiet calm around us. If there was a moment that I went from belonging to Him to falling in love with Him, that was it.
In the years since, I have had this encounter many times. I have learned the sweetness of talking to Him about my sins, sharing my suffering, and visiting Him in my moments of despair. I’m not exactly “cured” of embarrassment, and there have been times that I put a blanket over my face as I spoke to Him, I felt so embarrassed about what I’d done. But I’m always received with great sweetness, and generally, the harder it is to talk about, the greater the love I’m rewarded with for taking that step.
I am so sorry that it takes me so long to write these entries. In my writing I am torn between the vanity of trying to write “better” and the humility of serving God. Sometimes I look at the performance of the blog and think my numbers are lower than what I wanted…I think to myself, should I try to make it more relevant? Advertise it? But I forget so easily that my job is only to follow God and then share it with others; God knows how to lead people where He wants them to go.
I’m glad that He led you here.
God Bless You,